Picture of Volunteers

This was only half the room.

Location : Pingree Grove, IL 60140,

Volunteered for Haiti Today

A good friend invited me to go pack meals for Haitian families today with his family. We did assembly lines throughout an empty warehouse with hundreds of other people.  Considering it was in my community, I figured I'd at least see one other person there that I knew.  Surprisingly, I didn't recognize a single face. My friend got the feeling that we were working alongside church going people.  At that statement, I then understood why we hadn't recognized anyone.  ;P

Location : Pingree Grove, IL 60140,

I Need a Purpose

It's Valentine's Day. I'm unemployed and sitting in a bathrobe on the couch while my husband is asleep in our bedroom.

We've been covered in snow for months now. I'm going stir crazy sitting at home by myself with the two dogs.  Only one of the dogs makes me happy. The other one is slowly killing me.

A girl from high school died last week. I didn't know her well, but her Facebook account is public. I wish I knew how she died. Aside from having a great job, beautiful face, and a loving boyfriend,  you can tell by her pictures that she was an extremely pleasant and happy person.  Why did God choose her? Was it a tragic car accident? What did she do?

I lay awake at night wondering why I'm alive. I can't imagine what purpose I actually serve. Aside from a handful of people, I doubt I'd be missed if my end came tomorrow. 

I don't want to be in my bathrobe right now. I don't want to be overweight and depressed. I want to travel the world and get my hands dirty. I want to help others less fortunate than me. I looked into volunteering for Haiti, but they'd much rather have my cash than my presence.  And once we start trying for a baby, I wont be able to travel the world.

How can I be useful now? Where can I work and have passion for what I do? When will I get out of this rut?

I want to be happy like the girl from high school.  If I could trade places with her, I would. She was 24 and had so much going on. I can't see the point in life while I'm living it. Maybe one day I will look back on this period and understand.


Location : Pingree Grove, IL 60140,

Tight Money Situations & The Usual Family Drama

The hubby and I got ourselves into a bad financial situation this month. Between his old job and new, he had 3 weeks of no pay. I'm on unemployment, and that doesn't pay for much. We had to burn through our savings account pretty quickly. On top of that, we had a flat tire, Vonage hidden fees, an extended warranty on my diamond engagement ring of almost $200, and some other strange items show up this month without budgeting.

Even though our income combined is more than it was last year, it's going to take a few payroll cycles to get our savings account back and comfy. I went to my mom for help since our bank account needed cash to make some utility and loan payments, but she could not get the money from her savings account immediately. So, I went to the brother I feel I am the closest to, but he might disagree. Upon asking him for money, I was told NO. He then proceeded to plan a road trip or something to Florida with my other brother. I left their house feeling extremely upset that my baby brother refused to help. We have the cash coming within the next two weeks, so I'm not trying to borrow cash without repayment.

Driving home, I just cried over the fact that my 3 brothers (who all live within 20 minutes of me) really don't care about me or my life. None of them cared to go to my wedding. Everything they do in life is top secret from me. It's depressing. My mom made a phone call to my oldest brother, and he luckily came through on the loan. I don't know what I did to have my brothers generally dislike me so much, but that's one of the many reasons I want to move out east. Where's the family support where I'm at? In the past, I've had to beg brothers to come over to my house. It just seems like the family bond is gone between us. It probably didn't help that my three brothers grew up idolizing my dad and disrespecting my mom. I'm expendable I guess.