DO NOT GET PREGNANT LIST

While I'm in my final stages of pregnancy, I thought it would be beneficial to write down a list of reasons why this is my last pregnancy:

• My husband and I always agreed on having two kids.
• We wanted our kids close together in age but can't handle three close together in age.
• Two kids makes us an even family of four.
• Two kids fit nicely in the back of a 5-seater car.
• When going to theme parks as a family, my kids can ride together.
• I already have my mother's necklace made with their names.
• I found 2 retro teddy bears from my childhood before we had our son, and I planned to give 1 bear to each of my kids.
• 2 kids is the perfect number to share a bedroom.
• My kids will have siblings to lean on later in life but won't cost us an arm and a leg.
• I hate being pregnant.
• I want control over my body back.
• I want to have my kids done with bottles, baby food, and diapers relatively soon.
• I want to be young enough to enjoy my husband again once my kids go to college.
• We had one child on my birthday and are expecting another during my husband's birth month.
• I'm having 1 of each gender and a third child would make somebody feel left out.
• I'm already slacking with my preparations for baby #2. Any other child would get even less attention.
• I'm done wondering what my family will look like one day. There is something calming about being absolute.
• Labor scares the hell out of me. 
• I'm in my prime for child-rearing. Once I hit 30, I want to move onto the next stage of my life.
• We get to reuse most of our son's baby items and then we get to sell sell sell!
• We won't have issues renting a hotel room since we'll only need two doubles.
• Gender wasn't as important with our child quantity, but it lucked out that we will each have a mini-me.
• We can have our wills made up after my daughter is born and be pretty set on how things divide.
• My father will be alive to know each child. His health is poor, so he probably won't live to meet his other grand kids if my brothers wait too long.
• If I had another girl, I don't have any names picked out. Our two kids' names were picked out in January of 2010. I'm glad to be done with that too.
• I'm an emotional wreck with this pregnancy. I think it would only get worse with each additional pregnancy.
• In these later months, it has been extremely hard "taking it easy" with my son. I want nothing more but to carry him around on walks and to play with him on the floor. 
• I want my energy back.
• I miss alcohol.
• I miss drinking tons of caffeine without feeling guilty.
• I miss skipping meals if I didn't feel hungry.
• I miss exercising.
• I miss tanning.
• I miss getting my hair bleached.
• I miss rough-housing with my dog.
• I hate pregnancy cravings and what they do to my body.
• I love the fact that once my daughter is out of car seats, I will no longer need them in any of my vehicles.
• My mom had 4 kids because she was addicted to pregnancy and newborns. I don't ever want to be like her.
• We don't want our kids outnumbering us in the home.

That's just a rough list of things I could think of during this posting. I know baby fever hit me hard around 3 months post partum last time. I have a feeling it'll hit me again after I give birth to my daughter. My husband plans on getting a vasectomy, and I need to fight every urge in my body to make another child. I have a tendency of talking myself into things based on impulse. This list was made to remind me of why we only want 2 kids. Big issues for me are pregnancy related and body issues tied to pregnancy. I have very easy pregnancies, which should make any woman want more. I just don't like it. I worry too much. I anticipate too much. I question every decision I make regarding food, exercise, water consumption, and sleep. It's just too much. I like being prepared and planning for my future. Right now, we are prepared for our two children. If we had an oops situation with a third pregnancy, I would of course be very excited. I would like to avoid that situation though because I enjoy knowing we planned our pregnancies. I like that I can one day tell my kids that we tried to get them. Having a third child and telling him/her that we thought we were done before getting that positive test result would make me feel like a shitty parent. If my husband and I hit the lottery and had some long-term benefits affect our lives, our child count would probably go up. We think 2 kids with day-care, education, and weddings is the most we can handle financially.

Getting Some Custom Baby Stuff

Look at that beautiful giraffe theme! When I had my son, I had not yet heard of PickySticky.com. I didn't catch on to the trend until he was 2 weeks old. By then, I was already behind with taking his pictures. So, I ordered a generic blue sticker set from their site and had to photoshop my first month's sticker.

With V, I decided to browse Etsy in order to find a cute brown/pink giraffe inspired sticker set for her monthly photos. After spending over an hour searching, I found a set I was happy with and pinned it to my pinterest board. When I hit my 7 month mark in this pregnancy, I decided to check Etsy again just to see if there was a better sticker set available. Since I couldn't find any, I went to my pinterest board and clicked to order the previously selected theme. Unfortunately, that store item was no longer available. I hadn't saved a link to the shop, so I couldn't even tell which store sold the missing sticker set.

My search for a new set had to start all over again. I eventually found a store with some nice, bold stickers and sent the owner a private message. We talked about creating something custom and she gave me the backgrounds and giraffe image as seen on the left. She's going to pick 6 different backgrounds and will be creating something unique for me. I am so much happier with this outcome than I would have been with my original choice. 

Emotional Pregnancy

I can't tell if I'm more emotional with this pregnancy because it's a girl or because I already have a child to take care of which prevents me from getting as much sleep as last time.
I'm fighting a bad head cold right now and am refusing to take any meds. I took Tylenol last pg but have read studies linking it to asthma. When I have a headache now, I drink caffeine. Last night was bad. I just wanted to cry about my health, my self-image, my lack of energy... Everything! I had a 5 minute cry session in the bathroom before going to bed. Once in bed, I started getting painful contractions on one side of my uterus. I tried to clear my mind, drank water, and switch positions. I eventually fell asleep with the help of my husband rubbing my back.

He's been nothing but helpful this entire pregnancy. In every aspect where I fail to handle my responsibilities, he picks up my slack. On days where I do nothing but slack, he handles housework, watching our son, taking care of me, and taking care of himself. I don't know where he finds the strength to do it everyday, but I know how lucky I am to have him. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant, so I know it's going to get worse before it gets better.

My personal goal is to try and de-stress as much as possible. I can't pinpoint the cause of my emotions, but I certainly know their effects. I don't want preterm labor, and I don't want my hormones somehow permanently damaging my daughter. I'm going to work on getting more nutrients in my system, drinking more water, and getting more sleep.

Having No God

I've come to the conclusion that neither of my parents nor any of my brothers believe in God. We weren't raised in church. We attended public schools, and we all have different views on politics and life. I guess I'm just saddened to be the only one in my family who believes in a higher power and often prays to that power. I'm not comfortable in churches, and my bible collects dust. I'm less interested in the history of my religion but more interested in the future. 

There are some horrible things going on in the world, and there are glorious miracles happening every day. I can't help but pray for others who need support nor can I help being thankful for the blessings I've received.

I have a friend who's very young daughter is dying from a rare genetic disease. There is no cure, so my prayers are usually asking for more time for this young girl to be on earth and surrounded by love ones as comfortably as she can. I can't for one second believe that when this baby dies, that'll be the end of her. I have to believe she will be in Heaven waiting for her parents to join her. 

Therefore, I can only hope that my brothers are never in a situation where they have to say goodbye to a child or spouse. Either their views on religion will change, or they'll be looking at a very dark future. The best part about dying (for me) is my belief that loved ones will be reunited later. There is so much pain and suffering on this planet, that I couldn't bear it if peace and tranquility didn't follow.

Not Working From Home

Next Monday, I officially start getting paid to stay home. I'll be a stay at home mom (SAHM) with a weekly income all while not having to actually do work. It's an agreement made between my father/boss and myself. It all legally ties into my future ownership and how much my stock will be worth, but this money is going to truly help our family.

Currently, I work the first half of every day Monday-Friday. While I'm at work, I do very little work at all. For the most part, I spend my time playing on the internet. Because I'm at work, my husband has to be home and awake to watch our son. With this new plan, he can finally begin signing up for late night overtime slots and early morning overtime slots. My pay will be the same, except he will be working more hours at time and a half. Also, I'm due to deliver our daughter in March/April. Prior to this plan, I was going to take 6 weeks off without pay and would probably end up bringing my daughter into the office with me after that point. Our financial situation is terrible right now, so that 6 weeks of unpaid leave was scaring the crap out of me. Now, we won't be worrying about it.

I've talked to my husband about our financial goals. We really want to cut out fast food restaurants and if need be, head to the grocery store more often. He works 2nd shift and his days off rotate each week, so me being home all day every day gives us more time to see each other and have family time. We want to be more frugal with our cash and we're really looking forward to tax refunds this year. Our Prius is close to getting paid off. Our refund will be big enough to pay it off with some excess money left over. Getting rid of debt helps our income stretch out farther. I intend to use the cash from the old car payment to throw into our newer car payment, so instead of paying $200.00/month, we'll be paying $550.00/month.

We have some possible major family changes approaching this year regarding careers and home addresses, so I can't easily predict how our lives might change. I know we're having another child. From there, everything else is up in the air. It'll definitely be an adjustment staying at home and trying to better our finances, but I am thrilled to be away from the family business drama. With winter FINALLY approaching, it'll be nice to hibernate indoors rather than scrape my car off every morning and drive through blizzards to get to work.