Sicker Than a Dog

"Sicker Than a Dog," is a strange phrase, but I find myself saying it right now. I caught some cold bug Friday night. I woke up Saturday with a severely runny nose. Fast forward to Saturday night, and I couldn't sleep a wink. We weren't adequately stocked in the cold/flu department. Unfortunately for me, the NyQuil, which normally works, did nothing to get me some Zzzz's. Another item working against me was our Walmart brand Tissue+Lotion. Those tissues may say they include lotion, but they are sadly mistaken. The tissues I was using all day to wipe my nose were just ripping my nostrils apart. The runny nose was not to be blown either. Although it was runny, it was also clogged. When I tried blowing my nose, my eyes turned red and my ears popped...and the tissues were nearly empty.

The fiance went out Sunday morning and became my lifesaver. He purchased the following items:

REAL tissues for a bad cold
DayQuil
Vick's Vapor Rub Cream
Chicken Noodle Soup
Heat Pad for my neck and back
Hall's Cough Drops

I stayed home from work today. I'm coughing up stuff finally and my nose stopped running after all those wonderful drugs and tissues were brought into my life. I love my fiance SO MUCH. He's been a trooper throughout this entire weekend. He was busy refereeing for youth football on both Saturday and Sunday. He's hopefully coming home from work soon, and I'm excited to see him. We had tornado watches all last night and today's wind has been harsh. The temperature dropped from a high of 74 yesterday to a high of 60 today. That kind of change almost always equals inclement weather.

As for me, I'm going to continue keeping it easy. They want me back at work tomorrow, so I need to make sure I get plenty of sleep tonight. I rarely, if ever, get sick from colds or anything else. When a virus or bacteria cracks my immune system, it's usually pretty strong. God bless breastfeeding!

New Body Image Attempts

Since I've been taking some time off from "work," I've had the freedom to skip some meals. At work, I have a strong desire to eat at lunch time. It's a 30 minute break in the day, and I see people leaving to go out and buy fast food or smell people reheating their dinners in the lunchroom. It's really, really hard to resist eating. Well, being at home for several days this week, it's enabled me to drink a low-fat latte in the morning and wait until at least 4 or 5 pm to eat my daily "meal."

I've also been doing a food diary. I don't actually count calories. I just honestly try to record everything I eat each day whether it's a meal or a quick snack. Counting calories usually doesn't work for me once I go out to dinner at a family restaurant and can't gauge my calories for the meal. When that happens, I can no longer trust the calorie counting.

So, I just record what I eat. The following day, I look back on what I ate and write a score rating like: good, bad, average, horrible, etc. After I score my day, I write a short summary of what I did to earn that score. If I have a horrible day, I write that I had various people invite me out or I overdid dessert.

If I know my eating was horrible yesterday, I feel guilty all day. I avoid snacking on free donuts at work or whatever. I think skipping meals is actually working for me (again). I used to skip meals all the time.

My wedding is just around the corner. I'm not expecting miracles in the weight loss department, but I would like to try.

RIP Karol H.

My best friend's mom died tragically yesterday morning. She was 54 years old. I spent endless weekends at my friend's house growing up, so her family is my family. Her mom took a nasty fall onto her face which broke blood vessels behind her eye and into her brain. This wasn't something anyone could have predicted or sensed. I was in complete shock when my friend called me with the news. I broke down in tears and convulsions. My fiancé and I raced out to the hospital she was airlifted to. I just needed to be with my friend and her family. We spent the rest of the day crying and remembering Karol. Friends drove in from far away to be with my friend, Ashley, today.

It's a truly sad chapter in our lives, and I wish there was something I could do to help their family get through this pain.

Up at 4:00 am

So, I'm up a little bit earlier than necessary today. I just saw the Fiance off to work, and I figured I'd do a little updating before getting showered and ready for "work". I already left a comment in my last post in reply to the drama. My "pretty beach elopement" has grown legs and run off on me. My future sister-in-law wanted to throw me a bachelorette party. I told her that I'm really against the idea and purpose of bachelor and bachelorette parties. So, we agreed to do a mutual party with everyone including dinner and drinks out at a bar. To help iron out the details, she asked if I wanted to meet for coffee this weekend. I would love to meet for coffee to go over this stuff since I really only see her when she's around my brother. Well, rather than ironing out details then, she logged onto Gtalk to start asking who's invited, what time, where we're going....etc.

So, she didn't outwardly say it, but I think she was trying to avoid doing something on Saturday. We've tried hanging out before, and it never works out in the end. There was a time she agreed to go to a meeting with a local "Ladies Social Group," that I was somewhat scared to do alone. I got showered, dressed, started working on my hair and wham! She canceled 1 hour beforehand via text message.

So, I just feel extremely weird with every detail of this marriage plan. It wasn't even my idea to have this party, it was her's. Why would you offer to plan a party for someone you're afraid to hang out with??

So yeah. I over-analyze everything all the time. I know that. My future sister-in-law just confuses me. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, and I originally said no due to my social anxiety issues (which are majorly affecting my ceremony). She got upset that I said no and was being rude to me and my fiance soon after my "no thanks." So, I'm taking depression meds and working on putting myself out there more. I met her in person and told her I would be honored to be her bridesmaid if the offer still stood. She jumped up and down and said YES and was excited.

Then, about 4 weeks later, I get a text from her asking if I'm still interested in doing it and that it's ok if I don't want to do it anymore. I hate repeating myself, and I hate that she didn't take me seriously when we were talking about the bridesmaid decision. This is just one example of her re-asking me for details, which I've previously thought we both already discussed.

Sorry, I guess this is a venting post. It all started with me waking up around 4am for no reason and then seeing the Facebook message which is referenced in the previous post's comment box.

I should probably log off and take a chill pill. Have a great day!!!

Big Day

I've learned now that the wedding day is never really the bride's "Big Day." No matter what she's been dreaming of since her days of playing with Barbie, there are going to be people surrounding her and telling her how it's gonna be. I've tested this theory personally. As a control, I've made it a point to avoid any big day drama. I've made it quite clear that I want something small and intimate. I place more value on the marriage aspect and very little value on the money-waster that is, a traditional wedding day.

Upon making my point clear and also stating that we plan to marry, I've dealt with nothing but stress and drama. Those around us that proclaim their love are my biggest war enemies. This problem isn't limited to my side of the family or his side. On both sides, I face battles of individuals trying to force their ideas and values onto my little, intimate, Big Day.

Whether it's guest list problems or location problems. I have defend and justify my wants and desires. I want a select few to witness the ceremony, and I want it to be somewhere nice. I don't want to hear about localizing it nor about how I should begin inviting family members I've never even met. This day is about the fiancé and me.

Because I've lived through this experiment, although we almost canceled everything due to an attempt to increase the guest list, I can finally understand where the Bridezilla comes from. It's a girl who has to push and shove her way through the daily drama of friends and family trying to change her dreams of her wedding day. By the end of it, no one is there to support her because she didn't compromise. She stepped on toes to get what she wanted.

I tried to avoid all that drama by making things small, but in the end, it happens no matter what.