The entire 10 days, B wanted nothing but Daddy. He wanted to be in his arms. When he was passed around family (who are like strangers to him), he would arch his back, squirm and cry. It's a natural reaction for people to hand a baby like that off to Mommy. Unfortunately, when he got into my arms, he did the same exact thing. If Daddy got into his sight, he would squeal and cry. Everyone kept commenting that he must be a "Daddy's boy." After carrying him for 9 months, and being the parent most often home with him for the last 11 months, I can honestly say this hurt far worse than any mommy blues I had after birth.
I know each parent dreads the day their child says, "I HATE YOU!" However, I realize that in those situations, the child is just angry about something and really doesn't understand how to voice their opinions properly. In the case of my 11 month old son, he truly didn't want to touch me or be near me. He's not at an age where he is pretending to feel a certain way. During the trip, he proceeded to fall asleep in my mother-in-laws arms and my father-in-laws arms. He has NEVER done this with me. I must release a pheromone that says, NOT MATERNAL!!!
Friends on my mom board have gone through similar things with their children and said it was only a phase. I'm pregnant and hormonal, and it really hurt my feelings. While I'm sitting like a lazy, fat cow on the couch, my husband was on the floor playing with our son. Family members looking at us probably thought my son's feelings were justified. Given my back issues and this pregnancy, I am spending a lot less time sitting on the floor. Things lock up and then I can't stand up. When someone says, "Where's Daddy?" my son immediately looks at my husband. When someone says, "Where's Mommy?" He just looks confused.
When we got home from our trip, my son slightly fell over and bumped his head on the coffee table. While crying, he began crawling to my husband. I said, "See, he's hurt and only wants you." My husband replied with, "Maybe if you picked him up after he hurt himself more, he'd want you too." This set me off emotionally. I got up, went to the bathroom, and curled up into the fetal position on our bed. I couldn't turn the tears off. I just felt like a complete failure. My husband realized after a while that I was gone and decided to bring our son in to see me. This made matters worse because my son didn't want to see me. He didn't want to let go of his clutch on my husband's shirt. Seeing him cry as my husband tried to bring him closer only tore me up more. It was our wedding anniversary too, so I totally felt like dying.
I just got the impression that I was the evil step-mom to my son somehow. And I also thought about the fact that my daughter will come out and probably treat my husband the same way. In that regard, I just feel like a host carrying these babies to term until they can latch on to their dad. I don't care if it's just a phase. If I weren't pregnant and not the female anyway, this would still be hurtful. I know there are many babies who have issues bonding with their dads. I didn't think the same was true for their moms. Being rejected by my innocent little baby has probably been the hardest issue I've ever had to face in my life.
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