Image via WikipediaUnfortunately, my husband has not taken the goal of weight loss and bettering our family seriously. It's almost like he's eating more food now to punish me because he knows how badly I want a better life for our family. Yesterday, he was great and went running. I decided to walk the same path while wearing our baby. We had bread and Brie cheese for lunch, which wasn't the best. After that, I took our dog on a joyride in the car. Our dog, Kegger, hasn't been in a car since I was pregnant back in November. So, this was an extra special treat. I told my husband I was going to Starbucks. This would give me a good place to drive to and would give me the daily coffee fix I require. I thought about buying my husband his staple Frappuccino, but I remembered he had finally gotten some exercise in that day and didn't want to completely neutralize it's benefits.
I got home, and my husband didn't seem upset at all. He got showered and ready for work. I took over the baby duties while my husband kissed me goodbye. We chatted an hour or so later. I asked him if he made any pit stops on his way to work. "Yes," and, "Starbucks," were the only words he muttered. He decided to go because I had gone. He was probably secretly upset that I didn't buy him anything or that I didn't think of him. Add this situation to the fact that my husband has been secretly buying junk food and snacks at local gas stations and grocery stores without telling me. When we go shopping, we both mutually agreed that junk food isn't healthy for us. My husband is a total hypocrite by agreeing with me at the store and then going out and devouring it behind my back.
While my husband probably thinks his actions are no big deal, they're actually killing me inside. My outward self tries to be positive and optimistic. I love my husband, I love my son, and I'm thankful for the life I live. My inward self hates that I have to rely on my husband to be happy. I hate that I've got all my eggs in one basket. Because I'm so depressed about living where I live and working where I work, I am extremely irritable. Every little thing my husband does sets me off. I snap at him, and I nag all the time. It's because, deep down, I hate myself. I'm disappointed in the life that I lead each day. I'm unhappy that we live in a tiny 2 bedroom condo. I'm unhappy that I work part-time doing something meaningless. While I'd like to be a SAHM, I'd much rather be making serious money doing something full-time. Working PT just to make ends meet is dumb in my opinion. We spend money we don't have on things each month. We don't have any savings set up. If my husband earned more or if I worked a real job, there'd be breathing room in our budget.
I believe it's my husband's duty in this marriage to be honest with me and tell me what he wants. I don't want him pretending to care about goals that I've set when his heart's not in it. We can't go on like this forever because I will practically bite his head off one of these days. If something doesn't change soon, I'm afraid I'll be the one to make some serious changes...
No comments:
Post a Comment