I have issues going to places alone due to anxiety. Aside from that, I've never been to this restaurant before. It's about 45 minutes away, so I wanted to carpool with another person. Being pregnant, I don't want to frequent a restaurant/bar by myself. Since my husband had to leave the house by 1:30am, he had to go to sleep at 7:30pm. I had to take sleep aids just to fall asleep with him. I would have preferred going out with my siblings for a good time.
Instead, I get to wake up in the middle of the night to see all their facebook status updates showing how great the evening went. I get to sit here in bed with my two dogs crying over my laptop.
This issue is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my family. Every week, it feels like I'm being blown off from them. I get to hear/read about my brothers and their wives going out to eat or visiting each others' houses. We all live within a 20 mile radius, so I get hurt when my phone doesn't ring.
I think with bad friends, it's easy to cut them off. With bad family, it just hurts. My next baby shower is coming up soon. It's a huge family event. I just need to make it until that day. I need to keep pretending that I'm content with the current family dynamics. After the shower, I intend to dissolve into the background. If I stop "pestering" my siblings, maybe it won't hurt so much. Maybe they'll feel better about doing things without me.
My dad has mentioned that our family is dysfunctional. He said it was a good thing my husband and I were having a baby because we now have a chance to start fresh. While I understand his point, I think having a baby is the perfect time for family to come together and help out. My husband and I aren't having a child so we finally have something to do on a Saturday night; we're having a child because we can't imagine life without children. I don't want my children growing up without anyone from my family being represented. I can't force the aunts and uncles to show up to our house or to come to any birthday parties. It's painful, but I don't see a silver lining.
4 comments:
I hear you... It's tough sometimes when people just don't understand how some things makes us feel. But try to remember just that, he doesn't see how it hurts you - so he didn't do it to make you feel that way. And in the end, we are all responsible for how much we allow things to affect us. Like, they can do whatever they want, but you still have the choice to enjoy yourself, or not. If you thought you wouldn't enjoy yourself going alone, then you were right to skip it. But if you ever think you would, don't let little things like that bug you too much either - it's more his problem than yours. Enjoy your pregnancy, I bet they ARE happy for you, they just have issues like EVERYONE has, and those sometimes hurts us, but don't let any of it affect your happiness!! Will be praying and rooting for you here, take care!
Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. Unfortunately you can't pick your family. You know the great thing, once you have that baby you will have the opportunity to meet so many other Mama's going through the same things you are every day....they quickly become your family. Hugs.
I am sorry you are lonely, it may feel worse with the lovely pregnancy hormones we have running rampant through our bodies. I don't have too much advice except try not to let it get to you. I know that is easier said than done. I went through something similar before and after Katelyn was born. I was not working and had no friends or family nearby so it was hard. I promise by the time your little boy is crawling you will be a happy lady again!
I'm sorry your sad. I've been there myself, still am occasionally. Not necessarily with my brother but with friends. It's hard to see them all continue on having fun and doing things you used to enjoy or won't ever get the opportunity to do, while you sit at home feeling lonely. I get the overwhelming feeling to run away and start all over (with my dh and child(ren), to build new friendships and new lives. I hope to make that true someday.
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