S's Birth Story

Stellan was born on 4/28/14 at 6:00 pm weighing 8 lbs. 2.5 oz. He was 20” long with a head circumference of 36.5 cm.

4/27/14

I woke up on Sunday, April 27th to contractions around 3 am. I had taken Castor Oil (CO) earlier the night before and knew these were caused from the CO. They were pretty painful and slowly faded away around 6 am. Later that afternoon, I lost my mucous plug and felt really encouraged that something was actually happening. I was 39w7d. Sunday night, I did one last 2 oz of CO after dinner and went to bed as usual.

4/28/14

Like clockwork, I woke up around 3 am. This time, I didn’t feel contractions. I woke up to a braxton hicks contraction and thought I needed to pee really badly. As I rolled over to get out of bed, I felt fluid leaking and just tried to run as fast as I could off the carpeting and into the bathroom. I woke Ryan up to let him know my water may have broken. I sat on the toilet and was able to pee on my own without leaking. I didn’t have any further leaking. My underwear was wet but there wasn’t a puddle on my bed or on the carpeting. I didn’t know what had happened. I never felt a pop and didn’t experience a gush. Soon after all this excitement, I began getting contractions again. Bloody discharge was coming out throughout this time, and I kept changing pads and undies to see if my water was actually broken. There wasn’t much of anything though. I decided to head downstairs to give Ryan a break to sleep in peace, and I lied down on the couch. I figured these false contractions would fizzle like the ones the day prior. They didn’t. I timed them and breathed through them. I also regretted the CO. I didn’t like the confusion behind these contractions about whether they were real or fake. I didn’t like not knowing if my water was broken.

As the morning hours passed, Ryan woke up and the kids followed soon after. I told Ryan about my morning and said I was really confused. He needed to work and wanted to know if he should leave for work or call in. I didn’t know. I called my midwives and explained the situation, they offered to let me “labor” at home or come in for a labor check to see if my water was truly broken. I chose the latter, and we found a relative to watch our kids while we headed to the office. I was seen right away, and the midwife on call used a speculum to check me. “Oh yeah, your water is definitely broken. Do you want me to check you also?” Of course I wanted to be checked. She began the exam and shockingly said I was between 5-6 cm dilated! This is when it became real. The midwives have a policy regarding GBS negative patients. We have 12 hours after our water breaks to admit ourselves to labor and delivery. That meant, I only had until 3 pm to get things going. We were given permission to get breakfast and were told to hurry up given my dilation.

I think we checked into the birth center around 10:30 am. I called my birth photographer to give her a heads up, and she immediately headed out to meet us. Once in the room and set up, my contractions slowed to a stop. It was a bit awkward talking to the photographer and pacing the room knowing my body felt fine. After awhile, I used the shower to try nipple stimulation. Nothing worked. Sometime around 1 pm, I felt like we needed to just start pitocin before 3 pm because my body had clearly stopped trying. Around 2pm, the midwives felt it best that I get hooked up with an IV and monitored to set up a trace for the pitocin. They offered wireless monitors, so I decided to stand with gravity to push things along. Unfortunately, moving around caused the monitors to shift. My painful contractions were never picked up.

Pitocin Schedule

2:40 pm - 2 units

3:20 pm - 4 units

3:50 pm - 6 units

4:20 pm - 8 units

*Sometime after 4:20 pm, the level was boosted to 10 units.

Things get a bit blurry during these contractions. I felt great and was happy to feel my uterus contracting again. I asked for a grape popsicle because that’s what helped speed up my last induction with my daughter.

Within a few licks of the popsicle, my whole view on life changed. Things began really hurting. I knew to breathe through them. I realized standing didn’t make them feel better. I tried lying down on the bed, and that seemed to hurt just as much. Quickly, I wanted that popsicle gone. I told my husband to get rid of it. Between contractions, I felt great and temporarily forgot how painful they were until they started up again. The next one hit, and I looked over to see my husband holding that damn popsicle still. While most likely scaring my photographer, I snapped at him to get it OUT OF THE ROOM! I also didn’t want him chatting with her during the contractions. I wanted everyone to be as miserable as me.

The nurse came in and asked how I was doing. I told her things were getting very painful, and I wanted to get checked. She agreed and left to go get the midwives. In this time, I was losing my nerve and getting very afraid of the pain. No one came back to my room. It felt like forever and I feared the baby was coming. Eventually, at some point, the whole group of nurses and my two midwives came back. I lied on the table, everyone except me was happy and smiley, and we did a cervical check. I was officially at an 8-9 cm. From past deliveries, I knew I was an excellent pusher. I’ve never delivered naturally before, so facing these powerful transition contractions was scaring me badly. Each time, I’d push against my husband’s hand and arch forward in pain while everyone in the room told me to just let go and let my body do what it knows how to do. I just couldn’t do it. It hurt beyond belief. Instead of breathing through it like I had in prior, medicated labors, I was saying, “oh my god”/”oh no”/”ohhhh”/”I can’t”/etc… I wanted off this roller coaster of pain and knew it was too late. My body’s natural reaction to tense up had me fearing that he wasn’t engaging enough, and I would be forced to continue onto more contractions like an endless loop.

The midwife stuck her hand into my cervix to help stretch, and that was the worst pain so far. She did it during my contraction, and I almost kicked her in the face. Once the contraction was over, she kept stretching while I wanted to die. I told her, “no no no!” She offered to stop doing it and allow my cervix to stretch naturally over a few more contractions. Suffering through extra contractions was not an option for me. I let her do it again, and she asked if I felt like it was different and needed to push.

Again, since I was used to inductions with epidurals, I didn’t feel the urge to push before. I would feel some pain and pressure and be told I was complete. At that moment, I’d be pushing my baby out. The last one came out in two silent pushes. This delivery was different. I was gutteral. The urge to push was more than an urge. I couldn’t control it at all. I felt like a stress ball being squeezed by some invisible force. I don’t even know how many times I pushed or how many contractions were needed. I felt pressure from both midwives near my bottom and around my vaginal opening. They wanted me to hold my thighs, but I had no strength to do it. I had been bracing myself against my husband and the armrest for several hours. I had asked for a mirror to view the delivery, but I couldn’t even fathom sitting up enough to see it. The pain was unreal for me. I could feel Stellan’s head there and had no control over my pushes. They came when they wanted and all I could do was help enforce them. The underside of my thighs felt like they were ripping apart, and I remember shouting that it hurt too much and my skin was ripping.

Out Stellan came… They placed him on my belly, and I quickly snapped back into control of my body. All I could do was kiss his head to distract myself from the pain and trauma I had just survived. The placenta delivery and uterine massage were very painful, and I just kept kissing his bloody head. He was blue and silent for awhile as they all rubbed him with towels. I think we both went through a lot together there. Since one of my midwives was training, she was given the ok to do my stitches. I only had a 1st degree tear, but she seemed to take forever clearing it up. The ring of fire and the stitches were painless compared to the contractions and urge to push.

Out of my three deliveries, this was the bloodiest one. I can’t handle the sight of blood, so I wasn’t trying to look. My husband said everything was red from the table to the floor and all the women down at my feet. The nurses kept repeated how great I did and how wonderful it all was, but I felt like I was in shock. I walked into this pregnancy wanting to challenge myself to go all natural, and I realized in that moment that I was too much of a wimp to handle it. If I had to go back and do it all over, I would have absolutely chosen an epidural option. It was primal and messy and honestly very scary for me. I couldn’t imagine having this happen at home or in a bathroom or on the street corner like many women out in the world. I was terrified and had the support of two excellent midwives.

I love that this was a spontaneous labor. I love that my water broke. I love that my baby chose his birthday (even with my castor oil encouragement), and I cannot believe I survived going all natural. I underestimated the amount of pain I’d feel, but I am so glad to be through this phase of my life. We have a beautiful boy at home to add to our family, and there’s not an ounce of jealousy or envy when I see positive pregnancy tests or pregnant women. I want nothing to do with that situation ever again. :)