I turn 25 today!

It's my quarter life crisis. Luckily, I've achieved some wonderful things in my first quarter. Here's a list of the big goals achieved in order of achievement:

1. Traveled to Cancun, Mexico
2. Bought my first new car (2007 Toyota Prius)
   
3. Graduated from college (Business Management degree)
4. Bought my first home
5. Married the love of my life

Here's a list of things I'd like to accomplish in my next quarter - not in order:

• Start a family
• Sell my starter home
• Buy a better home
• Move out of state
• Change careers
• Possibly go back to college
• Travel to Europe
• Go on a cruise

So yeah, my life is following my personal expectations. There were no unplanned pregnancies or anything like that to screw things up. I was almost married before, which would have immediately resulted in a divorce within the first quarter. I'd like to prevent divorce from ever landing in my life. I would also like to make sure death doesn't affect the future family I want to have.

Can't Sleep At Night

Image via Wikipedia

My husband works, and I am unemployed. He gets up early; I sleep in.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day, and we don't need to wake up early. For some reason, he had us all "go to bed" at 9:30pm tonight.

I'm not remotely tired. So, I just sit up in bed all night playing with my new Droid. I don't like insomnia.

:(

I was at : 1521 Lawrence Ave, Elgin, IL 60123,

Can't Sleep At Night

My husband works, and I am unemployed. He gets up early; I sleep in.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day, and we don't need to wake up early. For some reason, he had us all "go to bed" at 9:30pm tonight.

I'm not remotely tired. So, I just sit up in bed all night playing with my new Droid.

:(

I was at : 1521 Lawrence Ave, Elgin, IL 60123,

I'm a Married Lady Now

Image via Wikipedia

It's been awhile since I last updated. I'd really like to blame Google accounts. I didn't want my personal email address used for this blog, so I created one specifically for it. When I'm logged into gmail with my personal account, I can't write any posts. Once I go to blogger.com, it doesn't recognize me. I just wish I could associate multiple email accounts with my login here. That would make things much easier.

ANYWAY

I've been asked by several friends and family if married life feels different. Usually, my answer is, "no." I haven't received a certified copy of my marriage license yet, so I have not been able to change my last name. It's weird still signing receipts and such with the maiden name. I also lived with my husband for several years now. I'm sure traditionally, women would move in after their wedding day. That just doesn't really happen now. So, the house is the same; the routines are the same.

I find it strange referring to my man as my husband. That's a new term. We think it's cute to call each other wife and husband in private. That part is new.

So yeah. That answers that. I wanted to also address the baby issues. I'm a pretty practical lady, and I've always set out to have a plan in life. I know, for me, that baby making starts after marriage. My husband and I are in no way financially ready to start a family, but being married almost makes me feel like we're legally able to make babies! When out shopping, I like to visit the baby departments to look at safety car seats and clothing. It's just a new world that's so interesting to me nowadays.

I'm unemployed, and my husband is looking to start a career rather than just have a job. I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom, but we couldn't do that until my husband earned enough on his own. So yeah, my clock is ticking, but I'm just hitting the snooze button.

That's all for now!

Getting Married Very Soon

My wedding day is quickly approaching. We've received the Thank You cards that I designed via VistaPrint.com. I decided to design/print/cut the Announcement cards at my work (all in secret). The Announcement cards look fantastic. I ended up adding another personal touch with gluing some ribbon on the spines and using a stamp to decorate the cards and tie them into the envelopes. Because this website is somewhat anonymous, I can't post them on here. Let's just say, I'm proud of them, and I hope my family and friends can see how much I put into them.

I've been tanning like crazy because I'm normally extremely pasty. I received some tanning discount that affords me free tans for a month. It expires on November 3rd, so I will have some time to moisturize my leather skin before the big day. I do not condone tanning on a regular basis. I realize how scary skin cancer is and believe it or not, I think about that each time I go tanning. I think this may be the last time I go tanning in the salon. It's my wedding, and after that, there isn't something big and formal that I need to look darker.

My weight loss never really happened. I'm not actually weighing myself, so I don't actually know what my weight is or whether or not it went up or down. I've been cutting back on the eating. We received a beautiful blender from our wedding registry, and I've been using it to make delicious fruit smoothies each morning. I bought a frozen pack of fruit at Sam's Club with mangos, peaches, and strawberries. I also bought some fresh bananas from the local grocery store. To loosen it up, I added some low-fat vanilla yogurt and skin milk. I don't actually know what I'm doing, but it tastes great. Anyway, I've been walking more with the dog regardless of how crappy our weather is around here. I just want to get a nice healthy feeling inside regardless of my size. I think it'll pay off.

I booked a restaurant out in Malibu for our mini reception. It's only really for the people attending the ceremony to eat afterward. I still need to find a salon to do my hair (possibly) but at least do my makeup. Hmmm....

Sicker Than a Dog

"Sicker Than a Dog," is a strange phrase, but I find myself saying it right now. I caught some cold bug Friday night. I woke up Saturday with a severely runny nose. Fast forward to Saturday night, and I couldn't sleep a wink. We weren't adequately stocked in the cold/flu department. Unfortunately for me, the NyQuil, which normally works, did nothing to get me some Zzzz's. Another item working against me was our Walmart brand Tissue+Lotion. Those tissues may say they include lotion, but they are sadly mistaken. The tissues I was using all day to wipe my nose were just ripping my nostrils apart. The runny nose was not to be blown either. Although it was runny, it was also clogged. When I tried blowing my nose, my eyes turned red and my ears popped...and the tissues were nearly empty.

The fiance went out Sunday morning and became my lifesaver. He purchased the following items:

REAL tissues for a bad cold
DayQuil
Vick's Vapor Rub Cream
Chicken Noodle Soup
Heat Pad for my neck and back
Hall's Cough Drops

I stayed home from work today. I'm coughing up stuff finally and my nose stopped running after all those wonderful drugs and tissues were brought into my life. I love my fiance SO MUCH. He's been a trooper throughout this entire weekend. He was busy refereeing for youth football on both Saturday and Sunday. He's hopefully coming home from work soon, and I'm excited to see him. We had tornado watches all last night and today's wind has been harsh. The temperature dropped from a high of 74 yesterday to a high of 60 today. That kind of change almost always equals inclement weather.

As for me, I'm going to continue keeping it easy. They want me back at work tomorrow, so I need to make sure I get plenty of sleep tonight. I rarely, if ever, get sick from colds or anything else. When a virus or bacteria cracks my immune system, it's usually pretty strong. God bless breastfeeding!

New Body Image Attempts

Since I've been taking some time off from "work," I've had the freedom to skip some meals. At work, I have a strong desire to eat at lunch time. It's a 30 minute break in the day, and I see people leaving to go out and buy fast food or smell people reheating their dinners in the lunchroom. It's really, really hard to resist eating. Well, being at home for several days this week, it's enabled me to drink a low-fat latte in the morning and wait until at least 4 or 5 pm to eat my daily "meal."

I've also been doing a food diary. I don't actually count calories. I just honestly try to record everything I eat each day whether it's a meal or a quick snack. Counting calories usually doesn't work for me once I go out to dinner at a family restaurant and can't gauge my calories for the meal. When that happens, I can no longer trust the calorie counting.

So, I just record what I eat. The following day, I look back on what I ate and write a score rating like: good, bad, average, horrible, etc. After I score my day, I write a short summary of what I did to earn that score. If I have a horrible day, I write that I had various people invite me out or I overdid dessert.

If I know my eating was horrible yesterday, I feel guilty all day. I avoid snacking on free donuts at work or whatever. I think skipping meals is actually working for me (again). I used to skip meals all the time.

My wedding is just around the corner. I'm not expecting miracles in the weight loss department, but I would like to try.

RIP Karol H.

My best friend's mom died tragically yesterday morning. She was 54 years old. I spent endless weekends at my friend's house growing up, so her family is my family. Her mom took a nasty fall onto her face which broke blood vessels behind her eye and into her brain. This wasn't something anyone could have predicted or sensed. I was in complete shock when my friend called me with the news. I broke down in tears and convulsions. My fiancé and I raced out to the hospital she was airlifted to. I just needed to be with my friend and her family. We spent the rest of the day crying and remembering Karol. Friends drove in from far away to be with my friend, Ashley, today.

It's a truly sad chapter in our lives, and I wish there was something I could do to help their family get through this pain.

Up at 4:00 am

So, I'm up a little bit earlier than necessary today. I just saw the Fiance off to work, and I figured I'd do a little updating before getting showered and ready for "work". I already left a comment in my last post in reply to the drama. My "pretty beach elopement" has grown legs and run off on me. My future sister-in-law wanted to throw me a bachelorette party. I told her that I'm really against the idea and purpose of bachelor and bachelorette parties. So, we agreed to do a mutual party with everyone including dinner and drinks out at a bar. To help iron out the details, she asked if I wanted to meet for coffee this weekend. I would love to meet for coffee to go over this stuff since I really only see her when she's around my brother. Well, rather than ironing out details then, she logged onto Gtalk to start asking who's invited, what time, where we're going....etc.

So, she didn't outwardly say it, but I think she was trying to avoid doing something on Saturday. We've tried hanging out before, and it never works out in the end. There was a time she agreed to go to a meeting with a local "Ladies Social Group," that I was somewhat scared to do alone. I got showered, dressed, started working on my hair and wham! She canceled 1 hour beforehand via text message.

So, I just feel extremely weird with every detail of this marriage plan. It wasn't even my idea to have this party, it was her's. Why would you offer to plan a party for someone you're afraid to hang out with??

So yeah. I over-analyze everything all the time. I know that. My future sister-in-law just confuses me. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, and I originally said no due to my social anxiety issues (which are majorly affecting my ceremony). She got upset that I said no and was being rude to me and my fiance soon after my "no thanks." So, I'm taking depression meds and working on putting myself out there more. I met her in person and told her I would be honored to be her bridesmaid if the offer still stood. She jumped up and down and said YES and was excited.

Then, about 4 weeks later, I get a text from her asking if I'm still interested in doing it and that it's ok if I don't want to do it anymore. I hate repeating myself, and I hate that she didn't take me seriously when we were talking about the bridesmaid decision. This is just one example of her re-asking me for details, which I've previously thought we both already discussed.

Sorry, I guess this is a venting post. It all started with me waking up around 4am for no reason and then seeing the Facebook message which is referenced in the previous post's comment box.

I should probably log off and take a chill pill. Have a great day!!!

Big Day

I've learned now that the wedding day is never really the bride's "Big Day." No matter what she's been dreaming of since her days of playing with Barbie, there are going to be people surrounding her and telling her how it's gonna be. I've tested this theory personally. As a control, I've made it a point to avoid any big day drama. I've made it quite clear that I want something small and intimate. I place more value on the marriage aspect and very little value on the money-waster that is, a traditional wedding day.

Upon making my point clear and also stating that we plan to marry, I've dealt with nothing but stress and drama. Those around us that proclaim their love are my biggest war enemies. This problem isn't limited to my side of the family or his side. On both sides, I face battles of individuals trying to force their ideas and values onto my little, intimate, Big Day.

Whether it's guest list problems or location problems. I have defend and justify my wants and desires. I want a select few to witness the ceremony, and I want it to be somewhere nice. I don't want to hear about localizing it nor about how I should begin inviting family members I've never even met. This day is about the fiancé and me.

Because I've lived through this experiment, although we almost canceled everything due to an attempt to increase the guest list, I can finally understand where the Bridezilla comes from. It's a girl who has to push and shove her way through the daily drama of friends and family trying to change her dreams of her wedding day. By the end of it, no one is there to support her because she didn't compromise. She stepped on toes to get what she wanted.

I tried to avoid all that drama by making things small, but in the end, it happens no matter what.

We Bought My Wedding Band

Originally, I liked the wedding band of my previous post which you can see in the top picture. I found a 10% online coupon, and the total price came up to about $950. That price felt too high for me, so we went back to the jeweler that is creating my engagement ring. Upon entering, we asked to see if my ring was done being built yet. It wasn't, but all the pieces were in. I tried the empty setting on my finger, and it fit wonderfully. Later, when the ring is finished, the BF can go in to pick it up. I won't see it or wear it until he proposes, which is definitely a good thing.

Today, I was able to wear my engagement ring setting while trying on wedding bands to get a good look and feel for what I want. As it turned out, they had a band in my size with a contour look to go around my big setting. I asked about swapping out half the diamonds for sapphires, which would give it more of the look I was going for. The first problem: switching out the stones would make the total ring cost twice as much as the sales price. Also, they would then have to ship out the sapphires from my engagement ring to color match sapphires in the wedding band. Shipping the sapphires out would push back the completion of my engagement ring for another TWO WEEKS! I just hated that thought of still not being engaged while I'm busy planning the marriage ceremony. So, we bought the ring with just straight diamonds. Here's a picture of it:

Here's a picture of my setting with no stones in it:

The contour is nice because the large size of my diamond in the engagement ring. I want the bands to be more flush than to be spaced apart. I won't really know until after I've officially been proposed to.  Now, I just get to take the wedding band in and out of the box every so often.  I should note that the wedding band is 14k White Gold and the engagement ring is Platinum. They look fine next to each other, and I didn't have to go over budget with the cheaper metal. The expensive diamond has the nice metal, and that's all that matters.

Gift Registry

The bf and I just registered at Bed Bath & Beyond at his mom's request. We made the mistake of bringing my best friend with, and she grew bored within 15 minutes of us looking through the dinnerware section. Couples should definitely go about scanning registry items alone.

I morally had a problem going to BBB. Everything there is completely overpriced. I completely went through the entire bedding department without scanning anything. The bf and my friend had to force me to use the scan gun on an $80 picture frame I liked. Once I saw the pricetag, I couldn't imagine anyone wasting that kind of money on it.

One big benefit to BBB is that anything purchased off our registry can be returned for cash. So if someone buys that one plate out of the entire set we picked out, we can just return it and buy plates elsewhere.

When we got home, I logged into the website and started adding and removing items. I changed the bedding completely. We also couldn't find ANY dishes that matched our tastes. The website had so much more to choose from.

We don't want to tell our friends and family about the registry until we're at least engaged. Considering we aren't inviting people to a wedding, I doubt we'll really get much.

I Found THE Dress!

I honor of Amanda's blog, I thought I'd copy her idea to show off my dress. I tried on 5 yesterday and walked out of the store with my very own gown! In my head, I had always wanted a white dress. I found one I liked online and it was discontinued and only available in ivory. So, I made an appointment to see just how ivory it was.

As it turns out, I didn't buy the original dress, but I tried on a bunch of ivory dresses. The 5th dress I tried on was white, and by that point, the ivory looked white to me and the white looked too blue-ish. So, here's MY dress, dress #4.

So, I'm getting married on a beach and it'll be very low key. I saw pro photos of other ceremonies on the beach that I'm going to, Malibu Beach, and the girls with real gowns looks so beautiful. My idea of buying a cheap, white sundress just wasn't an option anymore.

This dress will have the pick-up bustle on the back end to keep it from dragging through sand.

Trying to Buy a Garage

We received a letter in the mail from our Condo sales associate last weekend. The letter stated they were having a garage sale. When we first bought our home, they told us garages (which are detached but nearby) would be either $13,000 extra or $16,000 extra depending on which size garage we wanted. At the time, I was maxed out with the mortgage monthly payment and didn't want to make it any larger. So, we declined a garage. This letter stated that garages were now, either $5,000 or $6,000. These numbers are definitely more manageable, but I wasn't sure they had any empty garages near our unit. We live in a more filled out and busy section of the neighborhood. There are many empty garage units, but those are where the new construction is getting worked on. No one lives there yet, which is why the garages are empty.

I went immediately to the sales office and discovered there is one quite close to our walkway. I went home and called the bf to discuss. We both would love the garage because these condos have very little in storage options. Our closets are small, and we have junk we're just not ready to part with. Because of that, we've got plastic totes everywhere. Our dining room was a storage room for the longest time because we didn't have the money for a dining set. Now that we have one, the junk is stacked against a wall. Aside from storage, we'd love to have a place to put garage-like items. We want to work on landscaping, but I can't buy a bunch of gardening tools because there's no where to put them. We don't buy a lot of car stuff because our parking spaces are outdoors. We'd also like to buy a used freezer or something to store bulk freezer items like normal households do. Because of our limited storage, we have to buy higher priced, lower-quantity items.

Not only is there a purchase price for the garage, but it adds an additional $33.00/month to our association fees. Mathematically, we need to work on some budgeting for this. We're considering the fact that these garages will cost less than the ones others have already purchased. So, when we decide to sell our home in the future, our resale value will be more in-line with our neighbors, and we wouldn't have spent the same amount of money.

P.S. Still Waiting

I am still waiting for my bf to broach the topic of marriage with his family. Maybe he'll read this entry today and try to call them....

No Longer Recycling Rings

I received a engagement ring and the wedding band of my great grand-mother. I was hoping to take the diamond out of her engagement ring and create something new (which is happening.) I also thought it would be sentimental to take her wedding band (Plat with channel-set round diamonds and use that as my wedding band. Not only did I like the idea of using the same ring she had on, but I thought financially, this would save us hundreds of dollars.

Well, upon showing my mom the wedding band and how I planned to recycle it, she pulls out a box of old jewelry and shows me a section of diamonds and platinum that she had a jeweler remove from my wedding band. The two rings come from my father's side of the family. My parents have been divorced since I was in Kindergarten. During their marriage, they received these rings from my grandfather with the intent on gifting them to me in my dad's will. Well, my mom felt the need to parade around town with these two rings on her right hand while she was married to him rather than leave them somewhere safe for me. In order to wear them, she had to take them to a jeweler to get them resized (and smaller) for her hand.

So, upon seeing the section of my ring, I asked for it. She snatched it out of my hand and immaturely hid it somewhere in her kitchen, I believe. She refused to give it to me, claiming it was her's. Again, she's divorced from my dad and has no relation to the woman who actually owned these two rings. I guess it's just principle, but I don't want my wedding band with my marriage to be partially owned by my mother the rest of her life. She guaranteed will never take it to a jeweler. She claims she's saving it in case she needs the diamonds to repair other pieces she owns. I bet, that section of my ring will stay in her jewelry box until she dies.

I made it quite clear to her that my ring felt special when I thought it was from my great grand-mother. To hear that my greedy mother actually had it altered and wore it around everywhere makes me sick. To then know she refuses to give me the rest of the ring out of spite just gives me a bad juju vibe with the band. Now, I have to get my own wedding band.

The bad news: I have to spend more money. The good news: I can find a wedding band that will incorporate sapphires in it like the engagement ring and like Ryan's wedding band. I have found three pictures of rings I like. The first picture is of the most closely resembled ring that I own now. I will have the jeweler custom make my piece and use my diamonds from my ggma's wedding band.

 

I like the top two more than that bottom one. I think it will all depend on how the wedding band will look and feel up against my engagement ring. I don't want anything feeling bulky or clunky nor do I want two rings that refuse to align with each other.

Another option I wouldn't mind would look something like this:

I would just have it made with every other diamond being a sapphire. I would have extra diamonds, which I could then gift to my little brother or something. I think this style would help to keep the ring attached to my engagement ring, but again, I won't know until I can try some bands on my finger with the engagement ring already on.

What are you thoughts?

Engagement Ring? Check....

The bf and I went to a local jeweler yesterday to sign off on a new ring order. They called yesterday basically matching an online price for the setting below, and they are going to safely build the ring there rather than me ordering something possibly lower quality online. They estimated that my ring will be ready no later than August 14th. I have already setup an appointment to get it appraised at the end of August. Once it's received, the bf will take it away and propose when the timing is right and it can be a surprise. I may have wanted a say in how the ring looks since it'll be on my hand the rest of my life, but I don't want to control the flow of his timing.

While there, we looked at wedding bands for the bf. We actually found one we both liked, but they waited until we liked it to inform us it was actually White Gold and not Platinum. Here's a picture of the one we looked at:



Since my ring will have a diamond in the middle with two pear-shaped sapphires on the outside edge, we wanted to recreate that look with his ring. After purchasing the ring, it would cost a little bit more to get the two outer diamonds on the above ring swapped out with sapphires. They hinted at us using the two extra diamonds to create earrings for myself.

Even though my heart was set on Platinum, if they find out this ring cannot be made from Platinum, I am almost considering just going with the White Gold. The bf really liked it, but I guess it'll be up to him to decide.

We've also been talking very briefly on where we'd head off to get married. We have one idea in mind, but we haven't actually talked about the logistics. He also hasn't really discussed any of this with his parents. They know we live together, own a home together, and have been dating for almost 4 years, but I think they should be more clued in with this elopement since I'm not really keeping it a secret.

New Moon Clips on Youtube

The only thing better than seeing new clips from New Moon is hearing the crazy fans screaming during Comic Con. I crack up each time I hear their blood curdling screams. I cannot wait for New Moon nor can I wait for all the other movies brought by Summit Entertainment.

I've embedded the video clips below for your laughing entertainment.

Marriage Talks Continue

The bf and I have reopened the marriage topic once again. I don't want a wedding with all the forced traditions. I just want a good marriage, happy family, and good people around me. Cash is always welcome.

Basically, we need rings, a license, and to figure out a location. The bf wants us to be with his family for Christmas this year which I'm all for. Even though we didn't want another long roadtrip, I'm afraid it's the only way during this economy. I want to be married on a date in November, but I'm going to keep that secret right now. My ultimate dream would be to have both our families meet beforehand. My parents don't really travel due to various disabilities, but I don't want to force the bf's family to travel.

Also, I want a destination elopement. In November, my entire state is far too cold. Where would we go? We have very little money. As far as rings go, we are recycling my great grandmother's heirloom. I want to use her wedding band and reset the engagement ring. The engagement ring is a 3 carat round diamond circled by very small diamond chips. I want the center stone reset with two sapphire sidestones on a platinum band. The smaller chips match the wedding band, so I want them used on the bf's wedding band to bring everything full circle.

Did I mention I'm loving Lady Gaga right now. Paparazzi and Love Game are faboosh. Also, Taylor Swift's new album sounds great as well as Keith Urban's new song, "I Wanna Kiss a Girl."

Dating in the Dark

I absolutely am in love with this show on ABC. Anyone else?

My New Dog is a Lemon!

I just took my new puppy to the vet, and I had somewhat of an Antiques Roadshow experience, which I'll get into more details in a second. I got her about 1.5 weeks ago from a man on Craigslist. I drove out of state to go pick her up. While handing her over to me, the guy tells me that he took her to a vet about 1 month ago. The vet examined her and felt she was around 3 months old. So, I was apparently buying a 4 month old pit bull. Fast forward about a week. I tried contacting the guy via his email to get the vet information. He claimed she already had her puppy shots, and I wanted to have that information forwarded to my local vet. The man has yet to reply to me.

So, she went to the vet this morning under the assumption that the original seller was a liar. My vet had to give her all new puppy shots and vaccinations because I don't have proof she ever received them. Upon inspecting her mouth, my vet told me without at doubt that she was at least 1 year old! He told me that not only are all her adult teeth grown in, but the back teeth already have some plaque. Normally, on Antiques Roadshow, it's a good thing to find out your object is older than originally thought. In my case, it was a bad thing. I'm a pit bull fan. I like the breed and size. Jasmine is about 27 lbs. now and probably won't get much bigger. This is really depressing for me. I love her and won't give her up, but she is not what we were looking for. I was hoping she would one day be big enough to protect herself against our other dog who's 60 lbs now. I am going to look up more information on these age signs now. I wish I knew what other breed she's mixed with.

True Blood

I'm unemployed atm, and we just adopted a new puppy. So, to say I'm not a busy person would be lying. The bf and I have started and now caught up with HBO's original series, True Blood. We just watch it online bcuz HBO is something we can't pay for right now.

I'm trying to talk the bf into going to school full-time. He's a veteran of the Marines and will financially make things better by signing up. He'll become a cop no matter what, but that dream may take longer to fulfill.

More Pay Cuts

Well, business is going downhill fast. I wrote a while back about the mandatory 10% cuts in our pay. Now, we're officially forced to take 1 day off per week or basically a 20% pay cut. All these cuts together are cutting my pay officially to 28%. I've canceled my life insurance policy which was basically a sham. It automatically took $100.00 out of my checking account each month. I've paid off a Dell computer balance which I was setting aside about $205.00 in my savings account for the interest free financing. Now that it's paid off, I have that money back in my account. I need to start focusing now on cutting back my spending. We're still going out to eat far too often. The Texas vacation is over, so it's time to buckle down and eat at home. I think I've finally started losing some weight. For the most part, I've at least stopped the gaining of weight. We aren't eating pizza each week. The bf has stopped baking brownies every two weeks. We still have snacks and such, but we've really cut back on the cravings for dessert and fatty foods. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat. It's working out well. Now, I just need to find an additional income source.

Blogging Is Harder Than I Thought

I thought it would be nice to start up this blog to write about current events or what's going on in my life at any given moment. I have a problem using the internet. My interests change in waves. One week, I could be addicted to facebook and another week I can't stop checking CNN. Myspace has recently been dead to me. If I log on, I rarely search through it for anything. The same is true for this blog. I really only read Perez Hilton on a daily basis. So, I don't have any friends in the blogging community. Because I don't read and comment on other blogs, I don't get readers following me on here. I also don't think to update this blog very often. It's usually on my long list of things to do eventually.

When I have time. I try to write more than 1 post at a time. With this blog, I'm able to schedule future postings. If it weren't for that feature, this thing would be updated even less.

Safe at Work...For Now

Things have partially blown over for me at work. I now know exactly how my father feels about me, but I'm just avoiding him. My respect level for him is at an all-time low. My job is safe for now, but at any moment the tide can turn again. I just got back from a week-long vacation in Texas. I must admit, being away from the daily grind of my workplace and the common, repeating stresses of working at a family-owned business was a wonderful blessing. The weather couldn't have been nicer. Austin, by far, was my favorite part of the trip. We started in Dallas and eventually made our way to San Angelo to visit family. Austin was celebrated during Memorial Day weekend, and that city just oozes stress-free living. It's a college town, so there are many young people. We witnessed people riding bikes, playing Frisbee, swimming with family, and walking dogs. There was even a triathlon while we were there. Our group visited Whole Foods which had a flagship store located in downtown Austin. The store was swarming with healthy people. It was hard to walk through the aisles without at least 5 people in our way. It was refreshing to see people enjoying life.

I guess things have been pretty depressing for me for quite a while. I remember over a year ago telling my doctor that I thought I had depression. Whatever I had then couldn't hold a candle to how I feel now. I think, for me, life is getting harder and harder to enjoy. Money is a problem. My family brings daily stresses. My personal relationship with the bf is often strained. My "friends" are no longer in contact with me. I just want to be uprooted and planted somewhere happy. I'm financially tied to my current situation in every sense of the word. I have my car payments, my mortgage, my student loans, and my entire family is located nearby. Moving away from here would surely be a huge step which some family members would almost be offended by me doing so. I sit back and wonder, when can I finally start living my life?

Sitting at home feeling sorry for myself is no way to live. I'm gaining weight. The weather here isn't very accommodating. I really enjoy walking around outside during warmer days. Right now, it's barely 50 degrees and rainy. I want to just curl up into a ball, but my life continues whether I like it or not.

Almost Lost My Job This Week

I was extremely close to being fired this past week. I'm not even safe as I type this, but I'm holding on with my dear life. Upon hearing that the owner (my father) not only disliked how I've performed but also didn't want me working at the company at all, I've had to reevaluate everything I do with regards to my finances. More on this later.

Lonely Lady

I feel very much alone right now in my life. I feel a lack of love and support from those around me. No one can really relate to what's going on in my life. I want nothing more than to travel. I just want to get out of this small town, leave my family troubles behind me, and start a new life for myself.

Chances of any of it happening: 0%

Valvoline Ripoff

The bf needed an oil change today for his car, and we saw a sign reading, "value days oil change event $19.99." The bf pulled the car in and we got out of it to meet with a Valvoline employee. He told us that we came at a good time because if we buy nitrogen for his tires, be gets $20 oil change. Well, how much would the nitrogen put us back? IT ONLY COSTS $29.99! This is a perfect example of bait and switch. Valvoline lures customers in by advertising a great deal. Once inside, customers are asked to spend $50 on services they could have gotten somewhere else for $25. Already stuck in the customer waiting area, we're going to skip out on the deal and spend $33.99 before taxes.

Joy to the world!

Devastating News

I woke up this morning and opened CNN on my iPhone. 8 year old Sandra Cantu was found dead inside of a suitcase which was floating in a dairy farm pond. The police recently released a video of Sandra skipping around her neighborhood the day she disappeared. What kind of monster would take this sweet, young girl and kill her? I just want to go back in time to intercept her disappearance to bring her home safely.

Why do killers and child molesters do the things they do? Why can't they just harm themselves instead of involving innocent people and children? News like this makes my heart sink. I will keep the Cantu family in my prayers.

Bath Time

I'm writing this from my bathtub. My legs are sore from the treadmill yesterday. The water level is low and getting chillier with each word I type.

I'm off to take a hot shower now!

Absolutely No Motivation

Does anyone else out there hate their job? I do HR work at my small company, and I wasn't really looking to do HR work. I just sort of fell into it. It's been almost 1 year since I started, and I would grade myself at a "D" for the work I've done. I was never officially trained on anything, and I don't have any passion for this work. Meeting with insurance brokers and filing worker's comp claims isn't my cup of tea.

What else can someone do in this economy? It's not like I can just quit and find work anywhere. I make pretty good money for my age even with my pay cut. What's out there? I would love to move out of state; however, I just bought my first home. This stuff gets tricky. I don't really know what to do. If I find work elsewhere and leave my family business, I'll probably be cut out of my dad's will.

My Theory on Time Travel

 Many people I have come to know in life surmised that time travel is not possible. What reasoning usually backs up that theory? Most claim that if time travel were possible, we'd have seen it already.  There would be someone from the future coming into our present.  Some even say it's impossible.  Traveling back in time would create a butterfly effect that would change life as we know it.

My theory on time travel is a simple one to follow. I think we have had visits by time traveling beings.  I think they would easily change history if they were known.  I think time traveling has been witnessed for centuries but never officially verified.  If you're following me so far, let me continue to explain. My theory on time travel aligns perfectly with the unidentified flying objects (UFOs) that people have witnessed throughout history.  The public tends to joke about UFO sightings and discredit those individuals claiming to have seen something in the sky.  There have been hoaxes throughout the years that only help continue the trend of disbelief.  I, without a doubt, believe that "aliens" flying in "UFOs" are in fact, future human beings traveling through time. In the rare sightings, UFOs have a tendency to hover, move through the sky, and even disappear completely between the stars. How is that possible?  Simply, the machines are traveling through time not traveling a measured distance. When people claim to have been abducted, the stories all similarly align with the idea that future humans are testing sample data. They travel through history, abduct a random farmer in a low-population town, and medically test them on-board.  Metals yet to be discovered on Earth somehow then appear implanted within some of these test subjects.  They could be either tracking devices or on-going in-body data collection implants. Think about it, if we had the capability of traveling through time, what would stop us from going back thousands of years and testing early human life? It would be fascinating to modern scientists.  What harm would we cause by abducting random cavemen in history? Worst-case scenario, cave paintings are drawn that don't really get the point across.

Another criticism to my theory: if aliens are future humans, why do they have big heads, small bodies, and no audio communication? How do humans even compare to that? Well, we're talking about the future of the human race. I can easily imagine a world through natural selection that tends to gravitate (no pun intended) towards more technology and less physical labor. With advances in science and technology, humans could easily lose the need for big muscles and verbal communication. We're already in the age of the Internet. We email, text, IM, and Twitter our thoughts and emotions. At what point do we stop speaking altogether? I am also a believer that the world may end on December 21, 2012.  If something catastrophic does happen on that date, who's to say if any humans remain. If some do, who's to say what shape they'll take up after several thousand years. Getting back to my time travel theory, I think the government is fully aware of the truths behind aliens and UFOs.  I think Area 51 does house secrets that most of the public cannot know about.  I think the government is fully aware of the dangers of releasing such important information.  Our whole world could change if that information was ever officially confirmed. What if aliens confirmed we all die in 2012 by some sort of asteriod impact? What would we do with that information? There would be widespread panic. I, for one, wouldn't try to have children in the near future. There would be no use bringing them up into this world. I think we would see cult suicides by the millions.  Needless to say, it just wouldn't happen.  Time traveling is only safely done when the course of history is not changed. The government knows this and does it's best to prevent classified information from getting to the masses.

I'm just using my blog to spill my guts on time travel.  I've read similar theories when searching to see if anyone else had come to the same conclusions that I had. I invite any readers to ask questions challenging my theory in the comment box.

I'm an Unhealthy Young Person

See the link attached to this post.  My family gathered recently, and we couldn't stop talking about how there's no more exercise in our lives.  Growing up, gym was a part of every day in every year of school.  Our state has a very aggressive physical education system.  It's just amazing to think that I used to actually stop everything I was doing each day to run a mile or play basketball.  I couldn't imagine that happening at work.

It's a strange scenario to think about.  You're sitting at your desk looking over yesterday's reports and then, with the sound of an alarm, everyone around you starts shuffling towards the bathrooms to change into gym suits.  Could we just put our work aside and join in a game of kickball?  We have over 66 employees at any given time. Where would we go?  How would it work?  There's plenty of employees that don't exercise.  I find it hard waking up early to go to the gym.  I also find it hard to come home with a throbbing headache or a starving stomach and actually be motivated enough to go sweat out my frustrations at a gym.  It's too hard.  I think Americans need more forced workout regimens.  We can't do it on our own.  Either your routine has working out in it or it doesn't. 

Some of us need to be forced.

NY Post Cartoon by Sean Delonas Pisses Me Off

 

I cannot believe that someone calling themselves an "artist" would ever even consider drawing something like this. What he's trying to tell the public is he thinks this stimulus package was written by a monkey.  Does that make the package dumb?  Was it so easy a monkey could do it? Is he comparing this monkey to Barack Obama? Are you freaking kidding me??

We All Got a 10% Pay Cut

Effective Monday, February 16th, every employee at my company received a 10% pay cut.  I had to calculate different rates for payroll purposes because the rate change happened smack dab in the middle of a pay period.

Several employees attempted to bargain with upper management in hopes of not getting wacked. Ultimately, we had to do what was the most cost effective and fair for everyone. 

Too Cold to Live

I've realized that since early December, it's been too cold to live. In that time, I've successfully moved addresses. I've been given new tasks at work and had those same tasks taken away from me. Aside from those life changes, I haven't really lived all winter. It's too damn cold. It's too cold to want to get up early and start my day. Due to the cold, I fear taking showers. I take them every other day and then even less if a weekend falls in my favor. I get up and ready for work before the sun comes up, and I leave work at night after the sun has gone down.

I rarely get to sense the warmth of the sun on my face. Doctors will state that the seasons play a big part on our moods. Many people suffer from depression in the winter. Many people, like me, need to see the sun to feel alive. I want the temperatures to rise up already. I'm not even asking for Spring. I just want warmth. -5 degrees isn't enough for me. I want at least 40 degrees during the day.

Until the temperature rises, I'm going to continue to come home from work, change into warm sweats or flannel, and curl up on the couch with a nice, warm blanket. There's no way around it. Anything outside of that routine just feels cold.

2010 Prius: Generation 3 Unveiled

I want this car so badly! I have the 2007 model, and I couldn't be happier. They've made improvements on this car which make me green with envy! There's a moon-roof, solar powered roof, adjustable seats, center console, new safety features, new colors, more leg room, and a brand new display.

I'm not in the market for a new car, so I'm fine with admiring from afar. I think once my boyfriend needs a new car, he can have mine. I will then be free to get the new one! Woo hoo!

Things I've Learned As A New Homeowner

• My friends are proud of me
• My co-workers think I must be paid too much if I can afford a mortgage in this economy
• Long-lost relatives have shown me the most support
• Making friends with neighbors is more easily said than done
• Getting the mortgage and home was easier done than said
• Walls can be whatever color I choose
• Drafty outlets are no longer a "landlord's" concern
• Every window should have something covering it
• I finally feel like an adult (at age 24)

Taking A Half-Day

I emailed my work letting them know that I would not be in today until Noon.  It was 15 below freezing this morning, and I absolutely felt like crap.  Work is getting more and more stressful.  Yesterday, I made the decision to reprimand an employee for not following the rules.  It wasn't a write-up.  I just sent him an email reminding him of our policy.  Instead of following that policy, he went to the owner and had the rules changed just for him.  I got into a huge fight with the owner because he undermined my decision and make me look bad.  He said he trusted my decisions, but he had to step it when I made bad ones. 

This sparked an all out verbal argument between me, him, and three other managers about how he's running our company into the ground.  He keeps asking me when I'm going to use my management degree to help with my job and it pisses me off so much. 

I don't think getting paid very little to work at a company going under should be so stressful. Either I'm going to own the company, or you cannot trust my decisions.  If I'm just there so you don't have to pay the full wage of my replacement, then let me know now.  Please!

I Really Need To Lose Weight

I think I repeat that phrase at least once per day.  I've been repeating it for over a year now.  I can't even remember the last time I exercised. I can easily remember the last time I cried over my weight.  It was yesterday. I was tossing clothing into our donation box, and there were outfits that I've only worn once flying right into that box.

I just don't seem to have that final push to lose weight.  I'm still eating foods that are terrible for my metabolism, terrible for my self esteem, terrible for my closet, and terrible for my life.  It doesn't seem to matter.  Day by day, I grow more and more uncomfortable with my body.  My dress clothes for work are barely zipping and buttoning. 

My energy levels are extremely low.  I don't feel like waking up each day. I only really get excited about the thought of getting food.  The biggest reason I used to be thin was that I didn't have an appetite.  I didn't have any need for food.  It wasn't exciting because I wasn't looking for excitement.  I was looking for relationships with friends and guys.  Now, I live with my best friend.  We really enjoy our time together, but I can't fully enjoy anything with this weight problem.

I need to lose 40 lbs., and I don't know how many more I'm going to gain before I take the whole life change seriously.

Motivation would be nice right now...

Planet Earth & Partying

I'm watching Planet Earth on Discovery Channel as I type this latest blog. We just witnessed a Great White Shark jump straight out of the sea to snatch up a poor seal. Today was relatively unproductive for me personally. I have some work to do before I go back tomorrow morning; it mainly involves a head start on Monday morning reports and some payroll journal adjustments. Getting it done tonight saves me some time tomorrow.

I went out Friday night and saw, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." I think the movie was great. I was curious to see how the special effects and makeup team would try and get Brad Pitt to appear old and then finally very young. The movie felt long, and it ended terribly sad. I was thankful of my winter scarf which doubled as a teardrop cloth. The movie night was with friends. We met up with another friend after the movie, and I returned home feeling like I actually had some friends in my life.

The following day was busy and ended with a friend coming over for drinks. I made a Lunchbox drink which needs beer, Amaretto, and orange juice. We liked the drinks enough, but I can't say that I'd make another batch anytime soon. I probably made them wrong knowing me. While walking outside, we discovered that our nearby neighbors had very poor window coverings in their bedroom. It was the first time I had ever witnessed sex between two other people in my life other than on tv/websites. I'm half thinking I should write them a short note explaining the need for thicker blinds.

Finally, my boyfriend and I met up with friends and family for breakfast this morning. I haven't had so much social activity in months!