Things have partially blown over for me at work. I now know exactly how my father feels about me, but I'm just avoiding him. My respect level for him is at an all-time low. My job is safe for now, but at any moment the tide can turn again. I just got back from a week-long vacation in Texas. I must admit, being away from the daily grind of my workplace and the common, repeating stresses of working at a family-owned business was a wonderful blessing. The weather couldn't have been nicer. Austin, by far, was my favorite part of the trip. We started in Dallas and eventually made our way to San Angelo to visit family. Austin was celebrated during Memorial Day weekend, and that city just oozes stress-free living. It's a college town, so there are many young people. We witnessed people riding bikes, playing Frisbee, swimming with family, and walking dogs. There was even a triathlon while we were there. Our group visited Whole Foods which had a flagship store located in downtown Austin. The store was swarming with healthy people. It was hard to walk through the aisles without at least 5 people in our way. It was refreshing to see people enjoying life.
I guess things have been pretty depressing for me for quite a while. I remember over a year ago telling my doctor that I thought I had depression. Whatever I had then couldn't hold a candle to how I feel now. I think, for me, life is getting harder and harder to enjoy. Money is a problem. My family brings daily stresses. My personal relationship with the bf is often strained. My "friends" are no longer in contact with me. I just want to be uprooted and planted somewhere happy. I'm financially tied to my current situation in every sense of the word. I have my car payments, my mortgage, my student loans, and my entire family is located nearby. Moving away from here would surely be a huge step which some family members would almost be offended by me doing so. I sit back and wonder, when can I finally start living my life?
Sitting at home feeling sorry for myself is no way to live. I'm gaining weight. The weather here isn't very accommodating. I really enjoy walking around outside during warmer days. Right now, it's barely 50 degrees and rainy. I want to just curl up into a ball, but my life continues whether I like it or not.
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