Loneliness and Family

It's 2am on a Sunday morning. My husband just left to work some extra hours of overtime. I should be asleep right now. Actually, I was home all day Saturday waiting for my younger brother to call, so we could go out to a local restaurant together. My brothers and wives (and I) were invited to go to this restaurant's 5th anniversary party for Saturday night. Unfortunately for me, my younger brother never called. He's starting to see someone, so he spent the entire day working with my older brother and probably decided he'd rather go to this restaurant with the new girl than to call his big sister like planned.

I have issues going to places alone due to anxiety. Aside from that, I've never been to this restaurant before. It's about 45 minutes away, so I wanted to carpool with another person. Being pregnant, I don't want to frequent a restaurant/bar by myself. Since my husband had to leave the house by 1:30am, he had to go to sleep at 7:30pm. I had to take sleep aids just to fall asleep with him. I would have preferred going out with my siblings for a good time.

Instead, I get to wake up in the middle of the night to see all their facebook status updates showing how great the evening went. I get to sit here in bed with my two dogs crying over my laptop.

This issue is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my family. Every week, it feels like I'm being blown off from them. I get to hear/read about my brothers and their wives going out to eat or visiting each others' houses. We all live within a 20 mile radius, so I get hurt when my phone doesn't ring.

I think with bad friends, it's easy to cut them off. With bad family, it just hurts. My next baby shower is coming up soon. It's a huge family event. I just need to make it until that day. I need to keep pretending that I'm content with the current family dynamics. After the shower, I intend to dissolve into the background. If I stop "pestering" my siblings, maybe it won't hurt so much. Maybe they'll feel better about doing things without me.

My dad has mentioned that our family is dysfunctional. He said it was a good thing my husband and I were having a baby because we now have a chance to start fresh. While I understand his point, I think having a baby is the perfect time for family to come together and help out. My husband and I aren't having a child so we finally have something to do on a Saturday night; we're having a child because we can't imagine life without children. I don't want my children growing up without anyone from my family being represented. I can't force the aunts and uncles to show up to our house or to come to any birthday parties. It's painful, but I don't see a silver lining.

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Time Magazine Article on Pregnancy

EDIT:

Here's the video:

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I'm watching Morning Joe right now on MSNBC. They just featuring a "First Look at Time Magazine" interview. The cover features a pregnant woman jumping and the headline relates to how the 9 months of pregnancy can affect the rest of your baby's life. The magazine is not out yet. I can't even find the cover art online, but I will definitely buy the magazine once I see it.

One mention from the article explained how women pregnant during extremely stressful times have a higher chance of having babies with schizophrenia later in life. Women with Type II Diabetes have a higher chance of passing it onto their first born and lesser chance of their second if they get the disease treated before getting pregnant the second time.

I want to read the article to see what things I could be doing differently. I only have 3 months left, but any scientifically proven changes I can make now would be beneficial in the long run.

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1st Baby Shower Was a Success

Image by clevercupcakes via Flickr

My husband and I drove several states away to attend our first baby shower. This shower featured members of my husband's family. Since his family is more scattered throughout the US, several members flew in to help celebrate with us.

I don't know how my husband felt, but I was shocked at how many gifts we received for our son. There was so much thought and love put into everything for the shower. I was able to meet some more family members, and I was physically feeling great too.

Our son's nursery is now fully loaded with boxes and baby shower bags. There's barely enough room to walk. We're not really opening much or washing clothing until after the second shower. We want to make sure we don't get double items without proper receipts.

Our next shower is on October 2nd. That shower will have all my friends and family. My two sisters-in-law are throwing it, and I can't wait to see everyone. 

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My Baby is Kicking Up a Storm

Image via Wikipedia

The past two days have been full of kicks and flutters and punches. I don't really know where my little guy is inside my belly, but he's creating quite a stir. My husband was actually pushing back against my belly last night. After each push, our son would kick back. It kept my husband entertained until he began falling asleep. At that point, my husband started kicking. So, I had two men kicking me. haha

Fetal movement is a wonderful thing when I'm awake and going about my day. It's a completely different thing to feel the baby kicking my stomach while I'm trying to sleep. Due to that, my sleep last night was horrible. I'm entering my third trimester for this pregnancy. I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant. I've noticed that my belly has hit a growth spurt. It's sticking out farther and farther. I often stare at my reflection when walking past windows. I just can't believe how big I've gotten.

3D Ultrasound at 26 Weeks Pregnant Went Wrong

I went for an elective 3D/4D ultrasound at exactly 26 weeks pregnant this past week. My husband went along with two of my best friends. It was my friend's birthday, so we all went as a group to help celebrate her day and bond.

The ultrasound technician discovered I had an anterior placenta. With my placenta being on the front of my uterus, it makes things harder to see in on the 3D equipment. Bryce was head down, facing my right, with his feet folded near his head. Obviously, he's way more flexible than I ever was considering I can't even touch my toes.

Even though I was drinking lots of fluids several days prior to this appointment, Bryce's face was still way too close to my placenta. Each image was blurry and had a cloud over his profile. The image I've attached to this post is THE closest picture I could get with any baby-looking features. Even then, my husband and I were hoping to see some recognizable features like my nose or his cheeks. The technician didn't try to move me much or get Bryce to change positions. We walked out of the office feeling disappointed and let down.

I posted pictures of my appointment online and had several other pregnant women tell me about their anterior placentas. Apparently, with the anterior placenta, it is still possible to get a clear profile shot. It was just my baby's position that was messing it up. I emailed the ultrasound center and asked if I could get a redo appointment done for free. The CSR called me back yesterday and agreed to let us try again. Our next appointment is on Tuesday. If things go well, I will most certainly be adding some positive reviews for this company online. If Bryce isn't cooperating again, I'll have to see what this place says.

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26 Weeks Pregnant

Here's me at 26w1d pregnant. My husband took this picture a few days ago. While I don't think it's very flattering, I've been getting nothing but positive reviews on facebook and on my babycenter account.

My little guy is moving more and more and more. Yesterday, I actually felt a contraction. I didn't actually feel anything on the inside, but my uterus got extremely hard. I used my hand on my belly, and it felt like an adult skull popping out. It was a little freaky because I know my baby is inside there; however, the contraction went away quickly and painlessly.

Avoiding Stress While Pregnant

There's currently a situation in my life which is completely absorbing my mind. (Hint: it's not the pregnancy.) This problem is wrapped around someone hugely important to me. There are so many things I want to say to this person. I want to break down into tears and have an hours-long talk with him/her. Because I'm pregnant, I haven't made a single attempt to say or do anything. The thought of crying so hard I can't breathe just doesn't sound healthy with this baby inside me.

Instead of talking to this person about my "problem", I'm just cutting him/her off. Things that we normally used to share are no longer even available to him/her. I have a feeling s/he doesn't even realize why things are different. I'm bothered by the fact that this person is constantly on my mind because I don't think he/she even thinks something is wrong with regards to our recent communications.

All I can say is that this person is hurting me. I convert my pain into anger, and it's only making the situation worse. I really feel like I'm on the verge of conflict, but I'm doing my best to keep my stress levels low.

I'm Following You Again

If you're wondering why my blog now has two authors and you've also received an email stating I'm following you, it's because I'm tired of logging in and out of various google accounts just to blog.

I have my primary email address, which I use for basically every google service. When I created this blog, I wanted it anonymous and separate from my primary account. Well, since I'm always logged into my primary, it gets annoying to log out and log back in to check this blog. Since I don't like being annoyed, I just haven't been blogging very often.

I've attached my primary account to this blog in hopes that I'll be able to follow other blogs more frequently and to be able to post more often. I hope that explains things!

I Need a Birth Plan

Image via Wikipedia

I thought the birth would be an easy thing to "plan" for since much of it is out of my control. My main priorities were hospital - epidural - and healthy baby.

Now, I'm learning about various shots given after birth. I'm learning about pain medication. There's talk of nurses giving my baby a bottle before he has a chance to breastfeed. All this is scary and requires WAY more research.

I'm bummed...