I Don't Like Lying to My Blog

I had to completely revamp my blog and it's domain name today. I've been noticing on my tracker that certain ISPs from nearby were logging onto my blog via direct link. It was confirmed today when my mother tried yelling at me for a post I made. While this blog is published on the internet for all the world to see, the anonymity allowed me to treat it like a personal diary. Whether I'm feeling up or down or just emotionally charged, I turn to this blog to write how I feel. My mom and I are not close, and she is not someone I trust with my innermost thoughts and feelings. I sadly had to change all my links and even my blog name in hopes of shaking her off my trail.

There's certain things going on in my life that I'd love to actually write about on here. I just don't know if it's secure enough yet. In the mean time, I've decided to write blog posts and post date them for future releases. This allows me to get out how I feel without the truth disturbing my family.

The Belly That Won't Quit

I've come to the surprising conclusion that my body is different after becoming a mother. ;( While I may be getting closer to my prepregnancy weight, my belly still looks and feels like a spare tire. Before, it was easier to suck in and didn't pop out so much on the sides.

With my current weight loss, my pants are getting looser in the legs but are still tight around the middle. I don't quite understand it. Yes, of course I understand how stomach muscles get stretched and all that. It feels more like fat than like loose muscle. My pants are either falling down or rolling down all day due to this reverse hourglass.

 I will continue to lessen my food intake each day, but I'm going to try and cover up this belly situation somehow. I have a sister-in-law who likes to tell me about how big her sister is after having twins. I can't help but wonder what my family says about me. :(

My Husband's Clone: My Son

Brycen Watching TV

I must admit, every time I hear someone tell me my son looks like my husband, I get all warm and fuzzy inside. I don't know if that's a normal reaction to such statements, but it feels good to know that all the traits I find attractive about my husband have passed onto his son. When my husband is working 12 hour days, it's good to be reminded of him when my son stops paying attention to me because the t.v. is on. (poor me!)

 I took this picture to capture his ability to zone out during t.v. time (just like Daddy) and to capture his Daddy-esque profile. I can't get enough of this little man. I can't believe he's almost 7 months old. He's recently prone to clinging to us while we carry him.

It feels so validating as a parent to have your child actually hug you back. When I go to put him down for a nap or a diaper change, I have to face the reality that he's squeezing onto me somewhere ---and I love it!

My Weight History and Progress

One of my goals before even considering another pregnancy is to get my body back to a weight under my last pregnancy. Even before TTC for Brycen, I was well overweight.

May 2010: I was 196 lbs at 9 weeks pregnant. At 12 weeks pregnant, I had dropped to 192 lbs. Although I don't know my true pre-pregnancy weight, I base my calculations on the earliest recorded weight, or 196 lbs.

December 2010: I maxed out at 242 lbs during my last doctor's appointment before Brycen's birth. The appointment was approximately 5 days before he arrived, but that was my last recorded weight.

January 2011: My 6 week post partum checkup clocked me in at 210 lbs. During this time, I resized my wedding rings from size 7 to size 8.

June 2011: I am sitting at 200 lbs. It feels so good to be within 4 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm supposed to eat around 1200 calories per day, however I am usually over that amount.  I roughly burn about 2000 calories a day, so any consumed calories less than 2000 helps me go down on the scale. I've also noticed my wedding rings are getting looser and easier to remove. I fit into pre-pregnancy jeans, but my stomach is larger than it was last year. The muscles are stretched out, and that won't change without some serious ab strength training. I'm going to focus on shedding pounds before I tackle that hurdle.

BMI: My BMI is roughly 27.9. I need to be less than 25 in order to be "normal" and not "overweight".

I'm actually glad to write about this topic. I think it helps keep me honest and motivated. We won't be making another baby anytime soon, so as long as I stay on this lower calorie plan, I will be at a safe weight range for the next pregnancy. Ideally, I'd like to be under 175 lbs, but I need to set realistic and smaller goals. Baby steps, if you will...

Pregnancy Scare & What It Taught Me

Pregnancy Scare

We had a wild, crazy, drunken night during our recent travels. Protection was not packed because we had absolutely no intentions of having sex. Things only got worse from there.

The following morning, I woke up feeling scared to death. I had felt bad after we finished, but I was still drunk and out of sorts. The sober me began calculating some numbers. I figured I'd be due in February of 2012. I thought about how alcohol was in my system and what that might have done to the egg/sperm. I thought about how I haven't taken prenatal vitamins since I stopped breastfeeding and what that might do to my reproductive organs. I thought about how we hadn't picked out a new boy name yet and how we hadn't planned this pregnancy. Aside from stealing my energy and excitement away from our wonderful new baby, I was also stealing all the planning and preparation from our future second child. Why did we work so hard at making sure Brycen was perfect and planned and not care at all about our second child? How would that make our second child feel? And how could I spend the next 9 months of my son's life being extremely fatigued and focusing mainly on an upcoming new baby. How dare I be so selfish! Everything about this pending pregnancy was wrong.  My husband suggested we go and buy Plan B to prevent the fertilization from even occurring. At that idea, I quickly said "no way." A huge part of me believes in fate and doing what God has planned for us. If I used Plan B, I would forever wonder if I physically prevented the birth of our second child. I may be pro-choice, but I know we could technically handle and welcome and love another baby right now. I just don't want one. We skipped the Plan B idea, and Aunt Flo showed up a week later. I have never been so excited to see red before!

Lessons Learned from this Pregnancy Scare

I've learned more about my will power concerning baby fever. Yes, I think about having another baby every day of my life. I am loving on my current baby, and I am dreaming of the next one.  However, I want to make sure the next baby is just as planned as our last. I want our names to be picked out ahead of time again. I want to pray about our future child using his/her name like we did with Brycen before he was conceived. I want to make sure my body has been receiving proper nutrients via eating healthier, drinking lots of water, and taking prenatal vitamins. I still have my list (see here) of things to accomplish before our next child comes, but having a name and preventing birth defects needs to absolutely come first for me. I'm a planner by nature. I like setting goals and making sure I follow them. An unplanned pregnancy would still be wonderful, but it's not an ideal situation for our family.

Related articles

• Women who start prenatal vitamins early are less likely to have children with autism (esciencenews.com)

Family Plans are Looking Up

Brycen meeting his Great Grandpa

What have we been up to?

We flew halfway across the country to visit my husband's side of the family. His grandfather was terminally ill with bone cancer. We received a call telling us his bones were 90% cancer and 10% bone and that chemo would not be used any more. We are so lucky and thankful to have had a week with his grandpa. Our son was able to meet him. We have video footage and several photos. Grandpa was able to say how handsome his great grandson was and how wonderful it was to see us. We flew home after one week of visiting. The next morning, my husband got a text stating Grandpa had passed.

We finished out our work week and flew back out the following Friday. His funeral and services were on Saturday. My son provided the comic relief when everyone was crying. Some time during the funeral, he decided to pass some loud gas. After 5 or 6 people came up and spoke, the minister asked if anyone else had any kind words or memories to share. That's when Bryce said, "ahhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." It had everyone laughing.

Flying With a 5 Month Old

We didn't really have time to prepare for the first flight, so we mistakenly over packed. We had two checked bags, two carry-ons, 1 stroller, 1 car seat, 1 big diaper bag, 1 camera, 1 laptop, and my purse. The flight to and from our destination went surprisingly smooth. I thought for sure that it was a fluke. Upon the landing of both flights, we had strangers standing up and telling us how wonderful our baby was and how he did such a good job. We researched ahead of time and found that giving him baby Benadryl before the flight would help him sleep more. Our flights were 4 hours each, so we needed a sleepy, happy baby.

Our two flights the following weekend went ever BETTER than the first two (if that's even possible).  We packed much lighter for this weekend trip. We packed 2 carry-ons, 1 diaper bag, 1 purse, 1 stroller, and 1 car seat.  On all four flights, there were other children and babies. I heard many of those other children screaming and crying during takeoff or landing. My son was either sleeping through the pain or giggling during it. I've read that parents fear traveling with children due to anxiety and stress more than how the children actually end up behaving. During each flight, I was terrified Brycen would get gas and have hours of inconsolable screaming. My husband was a dream. He held Bryce for most of the flights and made sure the fussing was kept at a minimum. Upon returning home, we discovered 1 luggage bag was now missing a wheel, the stroller had a piece of rubber from the handle burned off, and the car seat was missing a bracket to hold the straps in tight. We were so tired of traveling and not being home, we didn't even care enough to file a report.

Related articles

• I Have No Routine for My Baby (thinklikealady.com)
• Supporting a Loved One With Bone Cancer (everydayhealth.com)
• Bone Cancer Symptoms (everydayhealth.com)
• Giveaway: A Cool Stroller from Bumbleride (A $490 Value!) (celebritybabies.people.com)