July 26, 2012

Poor Self-Image Post Partum

I'm having a really hard time feeling attractive right now. It's been 4 months since having my beautiful baby girl, and I actually look worse than I did right after. I'm still 10 pounds away from my overweight, pre-pregnancy size. My face breaks out like crazy due to stress, and I'm losing tons of hair each day.

I have to wear my hair in a ponytail each day because my daughter constantly vomits into it when down. My abdominals are loose and flabby, so my belly sticks out. My jeans have to be tight to fit my legs, and I have to wear baggy shirts to hide the extreme muffin top caused by the jeans. My hair is in dire need of another trim and some highlights. I just trimmed 4 inches off in May, and there's already another 4 inches of fried ends remaining.

I just can't look at myself in the mirror and feel good about myself. I eat poorly because its my only escape. If I could, I'd probably drink all the time. I love that drunk happy feeling. Unfortunately, I get drunk about twice a year.

I just feeling like I'm slacking in every aspect of my life. I look at my previous body in photos with nothing but jealousy and anger. I know parts of my body are permanently changed, so I can't ever go back.


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